So what did you do all day???

 Borrowed from the national "Dear Carolyn" column

 

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What’d you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I’ve done Internet searches, I’ve talked to parents. I don’t get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don’t do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I’m asking is: What is a typical day and why don’t moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I’m feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy — not a bad thing at all — but if so, why won’t my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest (“My life is so much harder than yours”)? What’s the deal? I’ve got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

~ Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You’re funny.

Or you’re lying about having friends with kids.

Or you’re taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven’t personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it’s validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm’s way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It’s needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It’s constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It’s constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It’s resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone’s long-term expense.

It’s doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It’s also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn’t judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Sneak Peek!!!

So last weekend I got together with my friend Ricci. We met on the first day of 7th grade and were practically family well into college. Our lives have taken us to very different places, but I still love her bunches! 

She's in the process of starting a photography business. She does family photos, and so she agreed to do Mason's 6 month photos. She posted one for me a couple days later, and after a teeny, tiny bit of loving harassment she posted a couple more to hold me over until the rest come in the mail. 

Are these gorgeous or WHAT??? I lovelovelove them, and I can't wait to see the rest! I will definitely post when I get them!

For my central TX ladies: If you want to contact Ricci about doing pics for your LO, check out her blog here for more photo information.

Stay at Home Moms

Thought this was really cute...and oh, so true!!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

   The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

    Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

    In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

    He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

    As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked:

    “What happened here today?’”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”

     “Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, ‘”Well, today I didn’t do it.”

Borrowed from this site

Being Mason's SINGLE Mommy

I'm not going to go into too much detail here since this is a public blog, and this is a very personal topic.

But as of yesterday morning, I'm officially a single mommy. It was a long time coming, and in all honesty, things won't be much different. I did pretty much everything for Mason anyway. Sometimes I was resentful of Mason's dad because it seemed like he would breeze in and play with him, and get the smiles and giggles, but I got the fussy, and the getting up in the middle of the night, and the getting spit up on, and the poopy diapers...in short all the tiring, thankless parts of being a mom. That's not to say that I don't get the big smiles and play time, too. But, I was under the impression that having a partner meant not having to get up EVERY time, not having to change EVERY diaper, and getting more than 5 minutes in the shower. But for me, it didn't. 

So, its all for the best...

I think the not having the stress of not getting any help when I expect it will make everything easier. I will continue being Mason's awesome mommy and if need be, a damn good daddy, too.

Is there such a thing as detached parenting???

So, yet another thing I never would have thought I'd do...


On Babycenter, I have come across the term Attachment Parenting (AP). I was curious about it, so I've been doing some research. While I don't like the term, it is absolutely what I've already been doing with Mason. The term AP implies that people who do things differently aren't attached to their children, which just isn't true at all. I've seen it called responsive parenting, and I like that much better.

Dr. Sears says this about AP:

Tools are things you use to complete a job. The better the tools, the easier and the better you can do the job. Notice we use the term "tools" rather than "steps." With tools you can pick and choose which of those fit your personal parent-child relationship. Steps imply that you have to use all the steps to get the job done. Think of attachment parenting as connecting tools, interactions with your infant that help you and your child get connected. Once connected, the whole parent-child relationship (discipline, healthcare, and plain old having fun with your child) becomes more natural and enjoyable. Consider AP a discipline tool. The better you know your child, the more your child trusts you, and the more effective your discipline will be. You will find it easier to discipline your child and your child will be easier to discipline.

I 100% agree with this^


So according to Dr. Sears there are 7 B's to AP:

1. Birth Bonding
2. Breastfeeding
3. Babywearing
4. Bedding close to baby
5. Belief in the language value of your baby's cry
6. Beware of baby trainers
7. Balance

(taken from http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130300.asp)

We definitely bonded soon after birth, I have breastfed with NO problems from day 1. We just started babywearing, but he's been held practically his whole life. We bed-shared for a while, and now he sleeps most of the night in his pack-n-play next to the bed, but he still sleeps in bed with us at least part of every night and sometimes for naps, too.  


Pretty much all of these have come naturally for me, but I'm having a LOT of trouble with balance. I'm in mommy mode 99.9% of the time. I don't have a big social circle here, so I don't get out much. The longest I'm ever away from Mason is 10-15 minutes to run to the store. I worry a little about the day he won't be able to be around me 24/7. I know I could join a mommy group, but that wouldn't help with getting out without the baby. I don't really WANT to all that much, but I know I need to get more time for myself.


Another one we're having issue with is #5. I absolutely CAN NOT stand to let Mason cry. The only exceptions are if I'm doing something I absolutely can't put down right that second (cooking, usually), if I'm in the bathroom, or if we're in the car and I know that he isn't hungry/poopy etc. But at home I never let him cry, or even fuss, for more than a couple minutes before I pick him up. The problem here is almost everyone else. Sia and K both lean more towards cry-it-out. K will let N cry for 10-15 minutes if she knows he doesn't really need anything. He's a little older than Mason, but not that much. I don't think its necessarily bad, its just not for me and my son. Sia will let him cry if he just wants to be picked up. I feel like being picked up is a legitimate need for a baby. He will entertain himself to a point, but I don't like to just plunk him his bouncy/jumper/swing and let him sit for long periods of time. I'm not knocking those who do it, I just don't feel comfortable with it. If I'm on the computer or watching tv or whatever, he's either on the floor at my feet playing with toys or I'm holding him. He likes to "type" on the keyboard, which is cute, even if it does make for some crazy typos. I talk to him almost constantly, both in "grownup talk" and by repeating whatever noises he makes back to him. It just feels right to me.   

The AP philosophies for older children are things I planned on doing, too. Things like redirection and distraction to prevent toddler tantrums. From what I understand, its basically treating your kid like a person. Too few people do that.

This quote from The Attached Parent sums it up perfectly.

AP parents believe that forming strong attachments in infancy will give children a sense of security and set the stage for lasting, strong relationships later in life. The basic idea is that an attached child will learn to trust his parents and will therefore develop a sense of security. AP advocates claim that attached children are confident and socially adept, and are able to form strong relationships of their own. That is the basic goal of AP – relationships.

If anyone wants more info, www.theattachedparent.com is a great resource!

His Gigi is spoiling him already....

From our Sunday night dinner at my mom's. That totally never happens at home...cute though!!!



What is this stuff?

Wrong end, silly boy!!

So smart, only eating for 4 days and already figured it out!

"Ewww, Mamma, get it OFF!!!"

And a video...








Oh, and gag me with a spoon! ;-)

My name is Jess, and I love wearing my baby...

So we got our wrap in the mail on Thursday (thanks Angela!!!) and Mason and I both LOVE it. I am swapping my sling for it with one of my lovely babycenter ladies (its coming, I promise!). I've only used it a couple times, but Mason seems to really like it.

I wore him at Target yesterday and he actually FELL ASLEEP in the store. He never does that! If he's sleeping when we go in, he'll usually stay asleep, but 9 times out of 10 I end up having to take him out of his seat and carry him, which is just a pain (literally. He's heavy...you try carrying 18 pounds around a store for 30+ minutes!). He can sit up in the cart for a while, but he gets tired pretty fast and starts to tip over so that's not the best option. This babywearing thing works! K and I were in Target for 30-45 minutes and my back/arms didn't hurt at all. Mason didn't fuss at all, other than the weird little noises he always makes if he's trying to stay awake, but those aren't really fussing, they're just little "ahhhh, ahhhh" noises. I did get one weird look from a older, redneck-looking guy but so what?! I could practically hear him thinking, "damn, dirty hippie!" But I wasn't. I totally showered before we left. The fact that it was my first shower in about 4 days (without taking Mason in with me) is NONE of his business.

I can't wait to take him somewhere else so I can wear him more. I might even start wearing him on our evening walks since sometimes he gets fussy towards the end if I put him in the stroller. I don't think I'll wear him at home much since 90% of the time, I'm either holding him or he's playing on the floor right next to me.

The only thing I'm concerned about is Mason becoming more attached to me than he already is. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, its just hard for me to get away at all because he wants me ALL the time as it is. He loves playing with Daddy, but if he wants comfort or sleep, its Mommy, all the way. 

Also, I need to figure out how to nurse in this thing. Although, in the last 5 months I've accidentally flashed my boobs to so many people, I guess it doesn't really matter anymore!



Benefits of Babywearing

• worn babies cry 43-51% less (depends on the study, but still a lot)
• promotes mental/emotional/physical development
• worn babies sleep better/more
• get to see the world from an adult POV
• learn more due to a calm but alert state
• become independent faster

Site 1
Site 2
Site 3


And the obligatory pictures!!!

 

^^Please excuse the goofy look on my face, I was trying to get Mason to smile!

And yes, I figured out to put his legs inside. I'm a noob. Give me a break!